My Diary's Page

Out of thoughts

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There’s a lot in my mind right now. I want to write and write and say everything that I have in my mind or heart but I can’t. There are reasons. People will misunderstand but that’s not the reason. It’s not worth sharing because it’s way too much and now I can’t find words. No word matches the feelings that I have ATM. So all I’m going do is stay quiet and smile over it. But what to do with the things going on and on all over and not letting me do ANYTHING? I am stuck with it, I can barely move, I can hardly breathe. It’s just way too much all of a sudden. Or maybe it was in bits but I never paid any heed to it so now it’s taking over my soul. Yes, it’s true that I am strong and I’ve been facing a lot but I don’t understand one thing. Why is everyone in this inhumane world playing with your feelings? When they don’t understand your emotions, why do they push you in the well of tears and all you find there is darkness and silence? 

Happiness is not everything. Money is not everything. You can live without these two and a lot more. Life is not impossible without anything in fact. But there’s a suffocating phase and that is when you expect to be understood and you’re not. You’re not allowed to say anything then. Your feelings are suppressed. Your emotions become something to be played with. I am not clear here but I don’t want to be either. I want to pinch it in, only. 

There are people whom you want to forgive but you don’t want to see them at all. Why is that? You don’t hate them but you don’t want them to come in front of you either. Sometimes, you even get to love them but you don’t feel like talking to them because things have been happening in between and you don’t want to go to the extent of hatred. You tell them that you’ve forgiven them but deep down, you still feel there’s something that’s stopping you from saying even “Hi” to them. You’re afraid of getting hurt by them maybe, or maybe just because you’ve had enough and you don’t want to go through the same thing again. It’s too much, at times but that’s how it is.

There are people without whom you can’t live without. There are relations whom you can’t end but there are times when you’ve to take such steps. Your heart shouts and cries but you’re left with no options. You just don’t understand what’s happening and all you do is get tired of everything and go into the stage of numbness. You can’t catch them and you can’t let them go. You’re stuck in the middle of nowhere and that’s the point when you get depressed. 

Times fly, time changes things, time brings good and bad, time shows what is right and wrong, time tells the truth, but time runs as well. There’s a time when you think that you’ve too much time to do things and then comes a time when you feel like this is not the time to do that thing. Time plays with you, time is tricky, but you can’t stop it. It runs and takes everything with it. And sometime, it’s the time that heals the scars. 

There are scars that are never healed though. They leave that one dot which reminds of the times you’ve been through. There are pains that never let you sleep properly. There are dreams that chase you every night. There are things that don’t let you move ahead. There are obstacles that you face when you really want to get rid of something. There’s a lot in the pathway that we go through and there’s no way to erase such things. All we do is look at them and think, “What made us bring to this extent?” and then we ask God, “why did you bring all this on me?” But we don’t realize what the outcomes can be. Sometimes the good teaches the bad and sometimes the bad gives you the best. You never know what’s good or bad. All we do is think about the present. And when we look back, we sometimes realize that there was a dream that gave us a good night sleep, there was an obstacle that made us jump higher and we achieved something best, there was that scar that made us see through it and you found the purity inside, and there was that pain that was cured by making us strong and letting our immunity play with it. There’s always something good for us. We just don’t realize it sometimes. And all that we are stuck with is a sentence, “life goes on…”

 -Arsh Azim

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15 thoughts on “Out of thoughts

  1. i like the way you’ve explained the healing power of time…….. i lost my son last year n now i’ve learn’t to live my life again(which seemed impossible at first)…. but the fact stays that the wounds always leave their scars

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    1. Thanks Kausar for the appreciation. I am so sorry to know about your son. But always remember that God always have some ajar in everything. If He takes something, He gives a double of it. May God bless you.

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  2. I don’t buy the “healing power of time” concept. The pain of losing someone will go till the end, no matter if God blesses us with twice or thrice of what we have lost. You can’t cure a pain you can only get the power to live with it but occasionally. Most of the time there would be that nostalgic wind of beautiful memories leaving you sleepless and depressed.

    The problem starts when we get this weird idea that time will heal and i will have the best and start neglecting the true blessings we are bestowed with. Grab the happiness, never let them go by deceiving yourself that you deserve the best. there is no good or bad in this world. If you love it, its the best for you. If you hate it, its the worst.

    And speaking from personal experience losing someone is living in hell dying each moment. I can feel your agony. make things right before you will have to live with it for rest of your life, at least try. BOL
    btw you write beautifully. keep them coming.

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  3. Alright i will stop reading your blog now. Enough for a day. Will resume tomorrow. It is scaring me now. Its like i am reading my heart on screen. Every single thing. How is that even possible :/

    Liked by 1 person

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